She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
