i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
