we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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