Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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