oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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