I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
