Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
