Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
