i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
