I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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