I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
