Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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