areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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