yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
