We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
