he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think i have herpe
just one?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
