I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
