I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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