Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
