I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fuck appropriateness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
