i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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