Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
