After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
