nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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