i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
