I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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