i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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