yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
