I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
