Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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