You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
