He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
