Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
