Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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