that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
