just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
