I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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