people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
