I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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