so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
