i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
