It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
