I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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