I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was like eating out sand paper
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
