she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
