i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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