Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
