I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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