I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
