i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
