I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
