I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
