I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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