Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
