we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
