last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
