And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
