is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
