I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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