SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He passed out mid-signature
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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