I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
