i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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