Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
