Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
