I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
