Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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