Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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