You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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