Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
