Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
