i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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