am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just google imaged poop.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
