I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We got so high we made milksteak
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
