i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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