You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
