how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
