Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
