sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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